He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
