you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
