When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
