D3 body, D1 cock
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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