If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
