dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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