so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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