U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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