Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
