Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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