I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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