her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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