He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
