Im at strip club and am horny
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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