Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
