It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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