I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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