Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
