I'm going to jail i love you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
