i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
