cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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