you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
