I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
