based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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