Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Two words: blizzard sex
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
