i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
