Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
