Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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