do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
