Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
