I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
