Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
