i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
