can we get nightvision for the apartment?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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