so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
