I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
