Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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