this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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