never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
