he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
