I hate your face
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
