Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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