exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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