I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
