This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
