My hand turned me down
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
