Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
