Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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