I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
