All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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