Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
