Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sober January is a disaster.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
