Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
