We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
