He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
