just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
