Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
