Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
